meh.
i'm bored. it's 11pm on a tuesday and i don't want to sleep because sleeping is a waste of time. and i'm bored.
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i'm feeling very good about my subjects this sem. i mean, (mostly) i've been doing quite good. well, a lot of people probably wouldn't consider what i think to be good good, but comparing my performance this sem with the previous one, i'd say i'm even stellar. hah.
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and more than feeling good about my acads, i've realized i actually feel somewhat (gasp) happy. it's a strange feeling, hapiness is.
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a classmate of mine and i are going to be visiting a couple of schools around the diliman area tomorrow. to be more specific, we're going to a couple of pre-schools to ask their school principals or administrators if we could interview their kids for our socsci3 paper. sounds like nothing i should be particularly worried about, doesn't it? hah.
our paper's title is 'girl, boy, bakla, tomboy, butiki, baboy: a paper on children's gender identity.' i'm particularly proud of this - not just the title, but the topic itself - because well, i don't want to come off as nagmamagaling, or anything, but i was mostly the one to come up with it. and, well, i think it's going to turn out to be a very good paper. if i get enough kids to interview.
i mean, you know how it is here - the littlest indication that a particular topic can somehow be connected to sex, sexuality and gender, even from an academic perspective, is enough to get parents scurrying off, threatening to pull their children off of school.
meh.
15 August 2006
07 August 2006
of regrets and realizations
damn it. i saw him again. not the friend-of-a-friend him -- but him. saw him as i was on my way to eng'g. he was on his bike. didn't even glance at me. even almost half a year later, seeing him, thinking of him, still makes my heart clench and my breath hitch. shit ang drama ko. but oh well. i'm entitled to my dramatics, i think.
now, with my head clear and my judgment free from the influence of alcohol, i just can't help but regret -- really, truly, deeply regret That Incident (as i've taken to calling it). That shouldn't have happened like that. and it shouldn't have been with him.
damn it.
and to think that i'd told him That Night that i'd like for us to do That again. i was so stupid. am so stupid. damn.
dydd.
now, with my head clear and my judgment free from the influence of alcohol, i just can't help but regret -- really, truly, deeply regret That Incident (as i've taken to calling it). That shouldn't have happened like that. and it shouldn't have been with him.
damn it.
and to think that i'd told him That Night that i'd like for us to do That again. i was so stupid. am so stupid. damn.
dydd.
04 August 2006
of obsessions and perfection
If it's not him, it will never be him no matter how much I obsess about him. But if in case, just in case, he's for me -- he'll always be for me no matter how often I set him free..
I'm falling for someone i barely know. again. stupid, i know, but there's just something about him that's diferent from all those i'd 'fallen for' before, and i just can't help but think (and feel) that this is somehow more than just a crush-turned-obsession.
firstly, he actually knows me. well, he-knows-my-name knows me. but still. and we've had conversations already -- conversations which actually lasted more than five minutes each. and we've eaten together. well not like in a date or anything -- it was just two people eating from the same place at the same time -- but again, still. he's on my friendster, and, although i don't think he uses it, my y!m. and he actually says hi to me whenever we see each other in the corridors at school, and smiles at me, even.
i met him through a common friend, whose name i'd best not mention -- this is the internet, after all -- who waved me over to where they had been sitting, that one day that the professor in a particular class decided not to show up. that common friend then proceeded to introduced us, and, over the rest of that semester, facilitated -- for lack of better word -- discussions between us (and a few other acquaintances occassionally ) regarding social issues and whatnot.
we had exchanged numbers on another professor-less day after that, and forwarded text messages on and off during the rest of the semester. we had mostly no contact during the summer, until one night, when he bid me goodnight. this started an almost nightly exchange of goodnight messeges, which eventually branched into goodmorning ones, which became a mostly daily text-forwarding thing.
he just forwards stuff, mostly, and, well, i can't help but wish that he meant all those sweet things he sends.
he's smart. and opinionated. and his ideas and thoughts are mostly original too. and he reads for leisure, or at least i think he does. and he's a gentleman. damn.
he keeps his hair short, but it's so straight, and it looks so soft, and i just want to run my fingers through them. and he's clean. i haven't smelled him yet, but he looks like he probably smelled nice. and he's cute, which, personally, i think is just a bonus.
damn. now i'm all gushy.
I'm falling for someone i barely know. again. stupid, i know, but there's just something about him that's diferent from all those i'd 'fallen for' before, and i just can't help but think (and feel) that this is somehow more than just a crush-turned-obsession.
firstly, he actually knows me. well, he-knows-my-name knows me. but still. and we've had conversations already -- conversations which actually lasted more than five minutes each. and we've eaten together. well not like in a date or anything -- it was just two people eating from the same place at the same time -- but again, still. he's on my friendster, and, although i don't think he uses it, my y!m. and he actually says hi to me whenever we see each other in the corridors at school, and smiles at me, even.
i met him through a common friend, whose name i'd best not mention -- this is the internet, after all -- who waved me over to where they had been sitting, that one day that the professor in a particular class decided not to show up. that common friend then proceeded to introduced us, and, over the rest of that semester, facilitated -- for lack of better word -- discussions between us (and a few other acquaintances occassionally ) regarding social issues and whatnot.
we had exchanged numbers on another professor-less day after that, and forwarded text messages on and off during the rest of the semester. we had mostly no contact during the summer, until one night, when he bid me goodnight. this started an almost nightly exchange of goodnight messeges, which eventually branched into goodmorning ones, which became a mostly daily text-forwarding thing.
he just forwards stuff, mostly, and, well, i can't help but wish that he meant all those sweet things he sends.
he's smart. and opinionated. and his ideas and thoughts are mostly original too. and he reads for leisure, or at least i think he does. and he's a gentleman. damn.
he keeps his hair short, but it's so straight, and it looks so soft, and i just want to run my fingers through them. and he's clean. i haven't smelled him yet, but he looks like he probably smelled nice. and he's cute, which, personally, i think is just a bonus.
damn. now i'm all gushy.
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